最后一章

说这也好笑。。。我在和他谈话，却因为说到你而哭了。
怎么又哭了？为什么又哭了？

我渐渐开始明白。。。你不会再回来了。不管你顾虑的是什么，你应该都不会回头了。

常在问自己，到底做了什么。为什么会变成这样？难道我松了手后，你才发现自己的天空更好？
我。。。虽然气过，伤过，怨过，却没有恨过。

我自然也不会再让你为难了。
我的眼泪再也不是你的负担了。

但愿你开心。

Silent Sanctuary到这为至。。。
但愿有缘再续。


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歌曲：《我只能爱你》
演唱：彭青

当你握紧我的手
我决定和你走
经历再多的挫折
也绝对不退缩

当河流
都倒流
我还在你左右
一直陪伴你到时间的尽头

就算有一天
天和地都会分离
也永远不离
也不弃要和你在一起

------------------------------------

Sunday

I have decided that Silent Sanctuary would remain @ where it is.
Solitaire Pixie would blog at another place. I thought of shifting the whole blog over but well, I do not want to keep reading those archives.
Since May 2004 is long enough and maybe a new chapter is where it should start from.

Tomorrow's onwards. =)

默默的改变

But things change. People change. Change was one of the inevitable laws of
nature, exacting its toll on people's lives.
Mistakes are
made, regrets form, and all that was left were repercussions that made something
as simple as rising from the bed seem almost laborious. - Nicholas Sparks ' The Choice'.

慢慢的。。。心中有种变化。
只是。。。可以相信吗?

这是一个没有答案的问题
我感觉我变了 谁让我变了
原本这是一个没有答案的问题
却被你解开了 简单的解开了

你走过来 带着和别人不同的对白
你甚至不让我知道 你对我有多好

慢慢的 这份爱 悄悄的住下来
深深的 在心里 没人看的出来
安静的 但却一直都在
是你默默的爱

慢慢的 这份爱 已经变成依赖
浅浅的 笑容里 却让我充满期待
不用说 我就能够明白你默默的爱
-飞轮海 --默默

After sometme, I've finally made up my mind -MLTR

This is supposed to be a very romantic, sappy sound - 25 minutes.
It is playing on Class 95 now.

But my first response today is 'What kinda bloody excuse is that? Who are you to cry when you took God knows how long to make up your bloody mind, and cry now when you find your love in the church marrying someone else?'

Get real!
Shite excuses!

Change of blog url

Dear all,

My few friends who actually care enough to visit this dumb blind_meow blog, thank you.
I would officially change my url to something else, have already thought of a name. (hope it's available!)
I would change it on the 23rd March 09.
There's no particular reason why I would wanna change it. Probably because I had always wanted to do so and finally doing it.

Please leave a comment if you wish to follow and I will sms you the new url.

Thanking you.

Love,
MicH

He said, you've got to love yourself - J.Mraz

It's Friday once more. I always love Friday cos' Friday night seems long whether I'm working the next day or not.

Love. Whether love finds me or I find love, it matters little to me now. Not that there's a protocol about it.
If a situation like today must come, I only regret it has not been earlier.
25 years old may not be old but I wish I could start off much a few years younger IF a day like today should come.

Living. Life's about living and should not be defined by age. Unfortunately the human cult doesn't resist that. We always think that we should act like what's expected of our age.

I am alot less disillusioned about love. I guess I am just pretty worn up and what does it matter whose fault it is? If you can't forgive the past, won't try to do anything to salvage the present, there's no future to talk about.
I can only be wistful about it but it's not something I can do it alone. I am not in my own relationship and certainly not chasing after it anymore.

I am (trying) to more enthusiastic about living, trying to resist what most citi-dwellers are teaching the world today.
Yes it is good to marry young, to earn and afford the materials, to get your degree, to pay for your own home and have kids before you push 30. This is the culture and it seriously won't be wrong to follow.
But I want to believe that there's is more than life than following what should be done. I know it is only the realistic is calling but I feel that before I kick my bucket one day, I wanna know I had led a life that I am content with...Not something that I am following blindly.

I am still a confused soul but I hope to do better with each passing day.

Good night, fellas.

Ps..I really thought to change my blogsite. Had enough of this blind meow. When I changed, I would inform the necessary.

It's about time.

Sick.
Dotsssss

Bread and Rose

It sucks to be stuck in a situation of having to choose between Bread and Rose.

The outsiders, the logical and the realists forming a group what I would call the 'Sane' would of cos' pick up the Bread anytime.
It's not even a choice. Can you hold on to the beautiful rose and count on it for survival?
No.When you need a bread, you need a bread. You need it for your stomach, you need it for strength, you need it as an asset!

The dreamers, the romance @ heart, the emotional form another group what I then call the 'Insane' would find their hands wavering towards the Rose.
What is the point of picking up a piece of dough when it is not filling your heart?
The emptiness of a heart can be pretty scary. Mental hunger can kill you faster than physical hunger. When your heart is hungering for something, it sends the illogical signals to your brain which then the most powerful organ (Ok, I know brain is not an organ but what is it?) in your body would manipulate you.
Can you promise to be happy or would you find yourself detesting yourself eventually and be that hungry beggar @ heart?

What would you choose if you have to pick only one?
Don't assume your answer too soon cos' I know most people would tell me that they'll pick Bread over Rose.
You are saying that too soon cos' you are NOT putting yourself in the shoes. You are saying as a stand of an outsider.

IF you are really in the situation, go and picture the scenario.
Putting aside that you need a house, you need a car, you need a bag and a Bread could help you with that.
Just imagine if you really have to choose one, knowing one role could not fulfill what the other can give. What would you pick?

Would you choose a life whereby you are perhaps never have to worry about being too hungry BUT ended up in a situation whereby your emotion needs are never fulfilled, not even close?
Or would you choose a life whereby you can live rich in the heart but perhaps shabbily in the eyes of the others and of cos' there are alot less things you can afford?

Go figure.

Despite everything, it is so difficult to ignore the throbbing pain within.
I am tired...think i would just go sleep. 8.37pm...oh well.

Moving on Sunday

You can read one or a dozen of self help books like 'He's Just Not That Into You' or 'He is such a sorry (fucking) jackass.'.
You can laugh at some parts, cry or tear at some, feel righteously angry at some more parts, motivated to pick up the good advices along the lines and try move on.

But it is not an instantaneous thing, it won't be.
The point of moving on being a gradual thing would have mean there are alot (more) days that I would cry, feel sad and lonely, miss you, wanted to kill you or more of myself as the matter of fact, living my life like a robot etc.

It is that difficult & really torturous and I really hope I won't have to do it for the rest of my life,ever. That I meant, moving on from a bad relationship.

Alot of times I wish it hasn't turned up this way. Why is it getting worse between me and Jason all the time when this breakup wasn't meant to be for that.
But what's the point of me asking the walls, asking the skies, asking the air, asking myself when a relationship is about 2 persons working on it.
It's not about me and myself, not me and the concrete walls, not me and the blue to dark sky, not me and the invisible air!
If Jason can't work his ass, CAN'T BE BOTHERED to even try to help this relationship, why am I torturing myself over it?

I know the thing is...Sometimes I can't help it. I am always still hoping, keeping that little flame somewhere in my heart.
Even though now that I read and actually know it inside that he's is not that into me already, still doesn't help me to distinguish that small little flame.

I know this whole thing sounds stupid but what I am trying to say is , other than YOU SUCK!!!, I am not having an easy time as it seems.

Thank God that I have a bunch of nice girlfriends who are always supportive, and a few more whom I know are behind me all the time.
Thank God that I am not a born depressionalist. Emotional yes, depressionalist no. Big difference, mind you.
Thank God that I still love myself.
Thank God that (even if any of you disagree) I am still somewhat attractive to the eyes of some guys.

There are guys who wanna know me, guys who wanna ask for my name and number from the streets(Not kidding. I know you don't believe that and I find it weird myself too.), guys whose hands lingered around me(that I hate!) on the dancefloor. (*Disclaimer:I am not too proud of that but as a matter of just fact...If you are not attractive, would guys wanna touch you?).

And I have a guy who can show me that he is now really into me. Ok, maybe I can't add the word 'Really' but he is into me.
Period.

All these are pushing me to just move forward in life. (Ok...I know I elaborated too much about the guys part. Un-necessary information.)

I am picking up my French course. I am planning to go Cambodia with my girlfriends. I may be planning a few more things soon.
I am moving forward in life and I don't think I am doing a bad job. I hope this makes you (Jason) happy cos' this is what you want me to do and you would feel less guilty.
However even if I am NOT doing a good job about moving on, you wouldn't do anything anyway. I know. - shrug-

Of cos' that doesn't mean that I am smiling every single day, pushing my limit everyday. I am still hoping, still crying, still angry, still cursing, still sad. But I am also moving on.
One day you might not see me anymore and with all of your doings, I hope this is what you wanna see. You won't hear me or see me writing anything bad or good about you anymore.

I know this still sounds bitter but which part of moving on in the above paragraph did you not understand?
If you still don't, I suggest you stop reading my chunky post and proceed below.

Picture post:

This is taken from New Asia Bar, when I was there with Yan & Reen on Wednesday.

You may find it pretty but I find it really boring. City lightings doesn't excite me that much.

Had breakfast @ Mama Bakery with Vonx & Krist today.

On the way saw this vintage cars display in my primary school.

Mama Bakery @ Square 2,Novena.

Japanese bread own by really friendly and polite Japanese ladies. You have to look & act kawaii too.

I hear SW vomitting and rolling his eyes (Krist's joke about rolling eye upwards is really joke of the day.) Kidding, I looked like a drag without makeup this morning. Had a shock when I saw myself in the mirror and quickly rushed outta the toilet.

Quite a nice place for some very nice bread. However do not even think of trying to be healthy and order orange juice. I forced myself to finish that cos' it costs me bloody $2.80 a glass.

You can't miss that place cos' it's not possible not to be swoon over by their breads' aroma once you walk past.

A nice place for a breakfast session when the breads are freshly baked with friends, with your partner or just yourself and a book. =)

Our breads put together.
A good chance I would go there again, even if it means waking up early on a Sunday to go Novena. (Provided I am not dead by Saturday.)

That's all I would share for this week. If you bother reading all the time, thank you for that.

I should continue to bury myself in the books I borrowed. Oh, I've been to Bishan library (like finally) and I like it.

Meanwhile...Just keep listening to Leona Lewis 'Better in Time'. This is so about me now.

Roarr!

I know, I just have to put my picture. Why, cannot meh?